“I’m sorry,” the nurse said, “But there is no heartbeat.” As I processed what she was saying, my whole body began to shake as tears fell down my cheeks.
She was tenderly placed in our arms, and in the quiet of that private hospital room, we wept as her breathing tube was removed. We cradled her between us and told her over and over how much we loved her and how she was going to be with Jesus.
My daughter was born, and there was no cry in the room but ours. Yet, there had already been the cry of song in the heavenly realms that one more soul—her soul—would belong to him for eternity.
There are days when I feel that some people who do not understand look at her as a chance at life, and we just missed that “chance.” But I want all to see her life as a special life—one we are greatly missing out on.
The ache for my daughter will remain with me every day until I see her again. How could I not miss her? But to think that Kinley has been in the presence of Jesus for seven years—that makes me smile!
It is a beautiful gift that grief and joy can coexist so mysteriously. I made a choice: I did not let grief steal my joy.
While I do not believe God is glad I grieve, I do believe he allowed it to happen for my good and his glory—for his greater purposes. While this belief does not remove suffering or instantly heal the hurt, it does redeem it.
When my heart aches to hold my precious babies who have gone home before me, I choose to look at the cross.
I imagine glory—holding my hands out to either side, my daughters’ hands filling mine. And I think about what it will be like to worship the King and to sing “hallelujah!” with them by my side.
The book is available at Amazon here.
Having children miscarried, stillborn, and lost in infancy, the author and contributors have experienced the testing, consuming shock of grief. Together, they seek to become less private with their loss experiences in order to testify with emotionally rich and honest expressions as to how knowing Christ has breathed eternal hope into their hollowest days. In Scripture, they see a God who is both familiar with sorrow and powerfully able to form pain into his glorious purposes. Even amidst the intensity of loss, they greatly rejoice in the better, heavenly country for which their children were made.