Fall Leaves, Change, and Ornamentation
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It’s that time of year again. The leaves on the trees turn into beautiful ornaments, gracing the branches in unusual hues. Then they fall through the sky like snowflakes and color the ground where we walk, creating nobler paths beneath our feet.
It’s that time again.
Here is my question—my driving question: Where are you changing colors? Where are you ornamenting your surroundings? And where are you leaving pieces of yourself behind so others can stand on the ground where you’ve been?
In short: How are you like a fall leaf?
God is always renovating our hearts, minds, and souls with His skilled hands. But changing colors gives us a different view of ourselves than a renovation project. It’s about what others see when they look at us. It makes me ask: Where am I getting sweeter? Where am I growing more pleasant to look at—spiritually speaking?
Perhaps it comes through a combination of vulnerability and the plain, powerful work of God’s hand—the Holy Spirit.
To me, this is one of the most beautiful parts of life: seeing people change because of Jesus. I love it. It’s evidence of His grace and a wide, encompassing hug from the Spirit.
This is how I want to be too—vulnerable, in the right contexts and at the right times.
Vulnerability joined with the Holy Spirit’s work makes us sweeter to see. As we open our struggles to others, we become more pleasing to know. We share the Spirit’s power in our lives, for that is how sweet fruit grows. This is one way we ornament our surroundings in the way I’m contemplating this fall: through holy, outward expressions of our change as we walk in dialogue with others.
When we share how the Holy Spirit is working in us, we bless others. Like leaves gracing the sidewalk, our lives can make others’ paths lovelier through the comfort we ourselves receive from the Lord as we grow (2 Corinthians 1:4).
When others share their failures, growth, confessed sins, and change, they exemplify the gospel and remind me that we can be brave in our honesty because God has already declared us righteous. Those who walk in the light want to come into the light so their deeds may be exposed, for the Lord is doing a good work (John 3:20–21).
So let me close by sharing one way the Lord is working in me: joy. I haven’t been a particularly joyful person in recent years. There have been moments of joy, but it hasn’t defined me, I confess. God is showing me that true joy comes only through Him—and that even in difficulty, I can still have joy.
I tend to explore difficult feelings to learn from them and surrender them to the Lord. But I’ve missed this key: to dive into joy at the same time—or even instead of analyzing my problems. I don’t have to wait for every emotional question to settle before I look to joy. Sometimes, problems are best set aside rather than dwelt upon.
So this is my prayer, my little change of hue, the ornamentation of the Spirit in my heart, and the leaf of color I leave in your path today: joy.
Fall '25 Decor
When visiting with my parents recently, I was inspired by my mom’s fall decor. Let me share it with you!
As I was photographing, I discovered a fall teacup that belonged to my maternal grandmother, a drawing by my daughter (sweet!), and some spoons that date back to 1908—handed down from my mom’s paternal side of the family.
Happy October.
God as Builder
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I want you to think with me about the common sentiment throughout Christian circles that God is always at work. He is at work in our lives. He is at work in the world. He is at work in the details. He is at work through the Church. He is at work in the hearts of rulers. He is at work in the presence of His people, where two or more are gathered. He is at work through the family unit. He is at work through the conviction of the Holy Spirit. God is at work.
This, I believe, is meant to be a rich blessing to our hearts. He is not absent, aloof, or unconcerned. He moves through our prayers and in our hearts. He is here.
Now, one analogy of His being at work is that of a builder.
Yes, a builder.
He is at work on our spirits, hearts, and minds through building.
Take a little excursion with me through the book of Nehemiah. Stick with me here. Nehemiah is first torn in two by the gates of the holy city Jerusalem being in disrepair. This is excruciating to him because Jerusalem is the treasured holy city of God’s people. It is where the temple served as the holy meeting place between God and Israel. It is consecrated to God and to His special presence. So, Nehemiah saw the walls of the city being down as a disgrace. The city should be complete, whole, and protected. Nehemiah was distraught.
Then, Nehemiah, with prayer and bravery, travels to Jerusalem and inspects the walls. He examines the project, gathers the materials and the men, and rebuilds the walls. Even through times of opposition, he completes the walls—and they are beautiful to him. He and the people turn to God’s Word in repentance, joy, and celebration. Those responses are what the finished wall and rebuilt temple inspired in the people of God.
Now, friends, I want you to shift your thinking to God Himself. He is the master builder—the one who laid the foundations of creation, the one who shot the stars into the sky out of nothing. He is the one who created and formed us according to His own wisdom and will. Do you think He is any less concerned for the spiritual temple He is building in your hearts than Nehemiah was for the physical city of God in the Old Testament?
I like to think that He comes to us with building plans.
I like to think that He comes to us with the materials.
I like to think that He comes to us despite outside opposition, being infinitely strong.
I like to think that He comes to us with this spiritual restoration of repentance, joy, and celebration.
What work is God doing in you? One of my trusted advisors recently told me that he is always hoping a renovation project by God is going on within himself.
We are the construction projects of God.
So, what is God doing in you? What plans for you as the holy temple of God is He setting before you now?
Let me give you three encouragements as you embark upon being the construction project of God.
You are not too far gone, and you have not ignored God for too long. He has a heart for you. Through the sacrifice of Jesus, the remission of sins, God has called you as His special treasure on this earth. Start the building project that God is doing within you by knowing that you are His treasure. Indeed, how could the temple of God be anything other than a treasure to Him? It is where His presence especially dwells through the Holy Spirit within you.
I want you to know that God is not done with you. Perhaps you are wondering what God will do next. Perhaps you have noticed many construction projects in your heart throughout the years, and you are grateful—eminently grateful. But lately, it may seem like you have arrived at a place of stability, and with that a lack of change. What is left to do, knowing that God has already done so much? Trust me, He can do more. He can keep building. He can keep drawing you up and into Himself. Don’t grow stagnant; God’s not done with you yet.
And finally, I want you to know that God gets the glory. He wants us to meet Him in these building projects and participate. I think Nehemiah’s hard work, alongside his fellow Israelites, is an apt metaphor. And yet, He provides all that is necessary for your building project to begin and be completed. Saying He gets the glory is not a way for me to chastise you away from self-glorification—though perhaps that reminder can serve us well too. What I am indicating is different: God gets glory through your life. What a cause for joy and celebration that your life and mine can be conduits for His fame and praise.
Where is God coming to you with blueprints to expand your heart, mind, and life? What building project is He starting within you? Come to Him with a willing heart and bright spirit. The Lord is pleased with you when you welcome Him as builder.
The Goodness of Counseling
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The fireplace in my home is located in what I affectionately call the library. It’s actually a living room that used to function as a family room. Regardless, I love to sit in front of the warmth during winter and read a good, nourishing book. The light and heat from the fireplace warm me to the core. It’s remarkable what a good routine can do for the soul.
When I set myself in a posture of receiving goodness from the Lord, it can be incredibly uplifting and fruitful. Just as I choose my favorite, familiar spot in front of the fireplace to enjoy its warmth while reading, I can also place myself before the Lord to receive his goodness and draw strength from him in my life.
Recently, the word "goodness" has been on my mind. It’s a word—and a practice—that I have neglected. I admit that I often dwell on what’s wrong in my life, focusing on the difficulties. Though I generally stay in good spirits, these troubles can weigh me down, making life feel challenging.
However, the Lord is bringing goodness into my life. The question is: Am I open to receiving it?
One area of goodness I’ve experienced is confiding in a trusted advisor. I’ve heard it said that counseling can be a sacred spiritual practice for anyone, and I wholeheartedly agree.
Life often takes us to unexpected places, and these scenarios can be burdensome. Counseling provides a space to receive goodness; it encourages me and helps lay a stronger foundation in my soul by allowing me to listen to a perspective different from mine—one that contrasts with the thoughts running through my head.
Good counseling yields positive fruit. I wonder if you have experienced the benefits of good counseling—if you’ve had the opportunity to share your struggles with another committed believer and, in return, receive support in times of trial or, again, have a sacred space to be heard.
Counseling is merely one way I position myself to receive the Lord’s comforting warmth. While it is a significant way for me, I also find nourishment in attending church or having deep conversations with friends. Still, counseling remains irreplaceable in my life.
There is much discussion about the stigma surrounding counseling, and that may be part of my motivation for writing this piece. I want it to be normalized and viewed as a blessing, just as it has been for me. It is one of the best things I do, and it confirms that one perspective—my own—is insufficient. I need to hear wisdom from others and seek a broader understanding even beyond the familiar voices I have encountered throughout my life, however helpful they may be. I must open myself to receive more from the wider body of Christ.
Please understand that I don’t believe everyone must attend counseling; I don’t prescribe any such thing. I simply hope to help normalize it for those who want to experience its benefits. Counseling can correct misguided thinking, relieve pressure points, and bolster areas of discouragement.
Here I am, sharing only one practice that can lead us to the Lord’s goodness—there are countless others! Perhaps this piece will inspire you to think of other ways the Lord might bless your life as you walk with him in the upcoming year. If you are drawn to counseling, know you have a fellow traveler in me.
I believe the Lord is beckoning us to come to him, and he blesses the methods we use to seek him. He wants us to approach him and desires to flood our lives with his holy goodness. We live in a dark world that often promotes discouragement and disunity, but the Lord offers us peace, health, and comfort.
Maybe you are an emotive person, like I am, with complicated feelings. Perhaps, like me, you find that journaling alone isn’t enough. You might hear the Lord’s encouragement but need it confirmed through another soul. These are just some reasons why diligent believers may benefit from the sacred space counseling provides.
The warmth of the Lord is ready to meet you. If you feel stuck or are looking for a way to express your true feelings and thoughts, consider what counseling has done for me: it has allowed me to receive goodness. Be encouraged.
Rejoice and Remember
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The first snow of this year took me by surprise. I looked out the window, and behold! Small, tender, and robust flakes were falling to the ground. Some landed softly, while others melted away into the warmer landscape.
This Christmas season has also caught me off guard. I held on to the summer months as long as possible, keeping our pool open well into September to enjoy every 80-degree day. Fall brought apple orchards into view, and then, behold! It is Christmas. This time of year fills me with various emotions, but primarily this year, I wonder: Am I doing enough?
Am I doing enough to welcome this season of wonder and excitement? Even gift shopping seemed effortless this year. Everything has come easily. But still, I ask myself: Am I doing enough?
I am asking the Lord that question, and I believe he is guiding me to understand: My modest preparations and my surprise at this season are truly sufficient. What guides this season for me is contemplating the baby in the manger. The essence of Christmas doesn’t require elaborate feelings or preparations, only a heart that rejoices and remembers.
Those twin words—rejoice and remember—surround my Christmas season this year. I am released from the pressure; it’s okay that I haven’t felt great anticipation at Christ’s coming. It’s alright that my preparations have been simple. It’s even okay that I prefer the warmth of summer swimming to winter’s snowfall, as lovely as it is from my family room window.
Rejoice and remember. Let me elaborate.
This year, I want to rejoice that Jesus came. Rejoice! He has come to free the world, offer himself, and make all things new and right again—a promise for the future. He has come to bless all who call upon his Name. So, I can rejoice that Jesus has come. I will tuck that thought into the folds of my Bible and take it out each day—rejoice.
And then there is remember. This word is filled with significant thoughts about what Jesus came to do. He came to save me from my sins. Just this morning, the Lord filled my heart with joy and peace as I remembered that I am clean, whole, perfected, and seated with Christ in the heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6). I can easily forget this. My Bible study group knows I can be hard on myself for my sins. I often speak about losing patience with myself when I struggle with issues I thought were resolved. Instead, I can remember. Jesus’ purpose was to seek and save the lost—gloriously, he came to seek and save me.
There are all sorts of ways to celebrate Christmas. I hold no animosity toward lengthy preparations or detailed lists. I have no disapproval for the season’s festivities, nor do I disagree with the wonder that especially captivates children as they admire the lights and experience the traditions of Christmas. I am thankful for all of these aspects when they come.
But this year, I have been brought back to the basics, which is good for me.
What is resonating with you this year as you consider your Christmas celebrations? What meditations are on your heart? Is the Lord asking you to simplify your routine? Or perhaps you have your own essentials from him to embrace.
Whatever is mainly on your heart as Christmas approaches, I encourage you to take a moment to reflect deeply. Put down your phone, turn off the television, quiet your spirit from responsibilities, and ponder.
Indeed, this season teaches us that reflection is a worthy goal.
This Christmas, as I wait for the summer sun to return, I reflect on the joy and freedom that Christmas brings. I contemplate how the sun shines in my life today, refreshing my soul. The Lord has given us the greatest gift (2 Corinthians 9:15). We know this because we will praise him forever for what he has done. Forever.
The words of the following verse are on my tongue as I bring my Christmas reflections before me: “Because of the tender mercy of our God, whereby the sunrise shall visit us from on high, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace” (Luke 1:78-79). The sunrise has come. The verse that precedes states the reason: “To give knowledge of salvation to his people in the forgiveness of their sins” (Luke 1:77).
Rejoice and remember, friends, the tender ways of the Lord in bringing us the gift of Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins, now and forevermore.
Assurances from Scripture for When Difficulties Overwhelm
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Sometimes, we all feel like we need a little extra help. Because this is true, Scripture reminds us to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2).
So, here’s a list of encouragements for those moments when life feels particularly complicated, and burdens seem too heavy to bear alone—reminders from my heart to yours:
The Lord listens to the brokenhearted and hears their cries (Psalm 34:18).
He weeps with us during grief and times of loss (John 11:35).
The Lord is an ever-present help in times of trouble and heartache (Psalm 46:1).
His eyes are on the upright; he is attentive to their cries (Psalm 34:15).
When life's pains overwhelm us, the Spirit groans our feelings to the Father (Romans 8:26).
In moments when stress feels overwhelming, the Lord shows patience and kindness (Psalm 145:8).
When concerns seem insurmountable, we can be comforted by the knowledge that the Lord knows the future and everything to come (Isaiah 46:10).
When we feel too weak to take the next step, the Lord understands our need for rest (Matthew 11:28).
There is rest for the weary in the arms of the Lord; he is a refuge for all who come to him (Psalm 91:2).
The Lord provides a way out when sin or temptation seems too strong to overcome (1 Corinthians 10:13).
When guilt from past sins leads to deep regret, the Lord replaces that sorrow with the joy of forgiveness and cleansing (Psalm 32:1).
The Lord knows everything we need before we even tell him what's on our hearts (Matthew 10:29-31).
When life takes a dark turn, or depression weighs heavily on us, we can trust that the Lord is our help (Psalm 28:7).
The Lord listens to our prayers and knows everything in our hearts (Psalm 139:4).
The greatness of the Lord offers comfort when life's limitations are clear (Psalm 145:3).
Nothing is too difficult for the Lord; with him, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26).
When the Lord doesn't remove our hardships but helps us through them, we can be assured that we are moving forward in closeness with him (Isaiah 50:10).
Even when we lack the words to express ourselves, we can rest assured that the Lord Jesus intercedes for us in the heavenly places as our perfect Mediator (Romans 8:34).
When we are uncertain about what God is doing in our lives, we can trust that everything will ultimately resolve for good (Romans 8:28).
When the Lord seems distant, we have his Word to guide us step by step (Psalm 119:105).
The Lord himself is the friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24; John 15:15).
Nothing can separate the believer from the love of the Lord, even when personal sin seems to distance the relationship (Romans 8:38).
When the Lord works in our lives, light shines from darkness, and peace emerges from distress (John 1:5).
When we sin and fall short, the Lord is kind to us, drawing us to repentance (Romans 2:4).
The Lord is a strong tower for those who are righteous by faith—a refuge of peace amid any circumstance (Proverbs 18:10).
Scripture is filled with reminders of the Lord’s kindness and assurances that we are never alone when our burdens feel heavy. We must seek out these Scriptures to be reminded of the Lord’s greatness, kindness, and love.
When we distance ourselves from Scripture, we often fail to see all that the Lord offers, along with the reasons behind our distress—a fallen world that will one day be restored. By not approaching the Lord and his Word, we miss the opportunity for cleansing and renewal in our walks with him.
Yet, the Lord is faithful to lead us home. The one who seeks him will never be put to shame, for the Lord will draw near. I understand this life can feel long with its hardships, waiting, pain, and darkness. But I have come to realize that there is always light from the Lord available to us each day (Psalm 18:28).
He desires to show you his faithfulness. He wants to take you by the hand and guide you through your burdens. Bring your troubles to the Lord and be filled with the assurances of Scripture that he is near. Speak your specific concerns to him, and he will listen. Wait upon the Lord to carry you through your circumstances while faithfully seeking him. Rest in his unfailing heart for you, especially when you don’t see the next step. And remember, relief is coming; he is actively working.
Christmas Centerpieces '24
These wooden trees were crafted by a local artisan for use in my parents’ Sunday school class. Receiving paint and sanding first, they are centerpieces for their Christmas program tables this year. Greenery, ribbon, jute, and a bell are all hot glued to the center of each tree. A candle, more greenery, and fairy lights are added to the table.
'24 Reads
Reading is an abiding joy in my life. I read to learn, feel, understand, enjoy, and stretch my mind. So, I consume various books, mixing theology with classics, Christian living with current affairs, and more.
I enjoy seeing what others are reading and how others are reacting to their books; I get ideas for my reading plans through what others pick up. So, I’m here to join the conversation. Here’s a portion of what I read and enjoyed in 2024—in no particular order:
A Change of Heart: A Personal and Theological Memoir, by Thomas Oden
In the early middle of one’s life, it is humbling to read an entire life unfolding in a few sittings—especially one of such vigorous theological activity as Oden’s. Most moving for me was his ultimate personal adherence to Christ's historical resurrection and his commitment not to make any new contribution to theology. I saw through his writing and development the demise of modernity: “Four typically modern figures that identify the four movements going downhill since 1968 are naturalistic reductionism (Darwin), narcissistic hedonism (Freud), autonomous individualism (Nietzsche) and property redistribution by elites who factor their own interests first (Marx).” And I appreciated his finding: “Catholics accused Protestants of ignoring good works, while Protestants accused Catholics of making good works the basis of salvation. The consensual patristic writers corrected both of those tendencies.”
Help for the Hungry Soul, by Kristen Wetherell
If your Bible reading feels dull or flat, this is the spiritual pep talk you might need. I have been in a season of richness in Bible reading and connection with Jesus (praise God!). Still, I eagerly reached for my Bible after finishing this book. I found it well-written and sound. Here are three quotes I especially enjoyed from this work:
“I thought that by opening my Bible I was seeking something good and right to do, rather than primarily seeking someone to love.”
“Oh, that we would not miss Jesus! For if we miss him, we miss life itself.”
“God’s words are purposeful, nourishing, and invaluable. They are worth trusting, for God’s words come from God’s heart.”
Are We Living in the Last Days?, by Bryan Chapell
I was impressed by the detail and description in a book that was a primer on the end times. The teaching I received in my undergraduate degree was refreshed and augmented with new facts and realities. I am grateful. For me, the arguments about the hermeneutical processes of the amillennial are worth exploring in more depth. I am a premillennialist who sees more separation between Israel and the Church than the amillennialist might see. However, overall, the book had a fair and even-handed approach to describing end times views. I would recommend this book readily!
Waiting Isn’t a Waste, by Mark Vroegop
This book took the posture of a friend and guided me through the purposeful work of waiting. Though Vroegop wrote and included many poignant quotes—lending understanding to my soul such that my eyes grew wet—the overall takeaway I had was that waiting is the process of trusting actively in the presence of God. Delay is part of life. Yet, so is God’s presence. So, all is genuinely okay.
Hillbilly Elegy, by J. D. Vance
I read Hillbilly Elegy because of the rise to prominence J. D. Vance has experienced in the Republican Party. I know that Vance wanted to advance more than the ideals of a functioning family. I know that he wanted to advance more than the impressive character of a country that can allow for achievement and change of circumstances. I know Vance wanted to portray more than the need for a stable living situation as a child. I know. But these I walked away with. For these reasons and more, this book is worth reading.
Pierced by Love, by Hans Boersma
This book captures a process I am drawn to when reading the biblical text. Research and study serve the objective of meeting Christ through the Scriptures. The Scriptures transform us, leading us to sorrow over personal sin. They lift us to the light of grace—of eternal relief. And then, they lead us to the contemplation of God himself. Using the four rungs of a ladder, Boersma lifts the tradition of lectio divina from Church history, the four rungs being lectio (reading), meditatio (meditation), oratio (prayer), and contemplatio (contemplation). The author frequently uses the sense of being pierced by Love—pierced by Christ—whether by sorrow over sin and suffering or by joy.
But most notably, he pulls from tradition that the cross and passion of Jesus are central to this practice. Jesus will come to us through his Word, which he communicates to our souls as we silence ourselves before his divine communication. The book has enriched and grown my understanding of how to approach the Scriptures. I focus on the text's literal meaning and see what God is teaching me there through the greater narrative of Scripture. This practice of lectio divina is worth adopting and often speaks to my natural disposition before the Word.
The Lord of Psalm 23: Jesus Our Shepherd, Companion, and Host, by David Gibson
I will let a few quotes speak to this blessed book:
“Athanasius said, ‘Most of Scripture speaks to us; the Psalms speak for us.’”
“It is a wonder that we have a shepherd; it is a great wonder that the shepherd we have is ‘the Lord.’”
“When all is said and done, the point of everything is not warfare and the clash of good and evil but fellowship and feasting.”
“The greatest of hosts himself prepared the most lavish of feasts for the lowliest of creatures. How amazing it is that the Lord of heaven should be seen here spreading his fame in all the earth by wanting to be known as a certain kind of host.”
Justification: An Introduction, by Thomas R. Schreiner
This book highlights the righteousness of God in his saving acts. He must save righteously. There was a brief overview of the new perspective on Paul. There were also some helpful words about what the Reformation taught as faith, found in his discussion about Paul and James. Faith is the cord that transmits the electricity of salvation. And justification, then, allows us to rest. Here is a quote that I highlighted:
“True faith as the Reformers emphasized includes notitia, assensus, and fiducia. Notitia has to do with what we must know to believe, specifically that Jesus was crucified and raised from the dead for the sake of sinners. But knowing such facts isn’t enough to bring salvation. One must also assent (assensus) to these truths and actually believe them. One may know that there is a vaccine for polio but refuse to believe it. Still even assensus isn’t enough for salvation; fiducia is also required. Perhaps the best word to describe fiducia is trust, where one gives oneself to Jesus Christ, where one relies on him for deliverance. For Paul faith involves all three of these realities, and he particularly emphasizes fiducia, entrusting oneself to Jesus Christ.”
The Good Gift of Weakness, by Eric Schumacher
For me, the value of this book was not any one point in particular. Nothing stands out that I haven’t thought of or been taught previously. However, the value and conclusion of this book are based on the theme of weakness throughout Scripture. On a deeper emotional level, I am convinced that God wants me weak before him. And I am more convinced than ever that any strength is due him. When I experience personal weakness, I am living out the theme of the Scriptures that weakness is where God is glorified in me. Therefore, I honestly can echo the Apostle Paul’s words that I boast in my weakness. I view this book as an extended Scriptural meditation or sermon on this theme that has created a prayerfully lasting impression in my spirit. I’m glad I read it.
The Death of Ivan Ilych, by Leo Tolstoy
This novella was instructive. The viewpoint of impending death considers the course of one’s life. Relationships, work, and religion all play their part in consideration. Why was this work instructive? It was a reminder of what one thinks about when one is about to die. Those thoughts are always fruitful for me.
The Bruised Reed, by Richard Sibbes
Jesus is tender with us when our sins bruise us. He is tender not only once we are righted but also while we are being righted. He shows us the truth and gently picks us up when we see how wounded we are by our sins. If you have trouble believing this, read Sibbes. I will return to this book’s principles often and resist the urge to be strict and condemning toward myself, where Jesus lifts and restores. He is a beautiful Savior.
To Gaze Upon God, by Samuel G. Parkison
The beatific vision is not a doctrine to which I had previously given much thought. I don’t remember it being mentioned, or mentioned as such, in my formal education. Though, indeed, its underlying tenets were there. But this book opened up the history, development, and depth of this topic for me. I did not, for example, know that it amounted to more than the glorious expectation of seeing God face-to-face. More is involved. I would highly recommend this work and do so as a layperson coming to grips afresh with the distinctions raised about this doctrine. The journey was both intellectually stretching and spiritually edifying.
A Slow Drift
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There are seasons of time when I especially want to be in the presence of the Lord. I am in one of them right now.
I want to soak up his goodness and receive all the kindness and love he has given me.
But this wasn’t always the case.
I wasn’t always as close to the Lord as I am now.
I once let other desires and affections rule in my heart. I loved the things of the world more than the things of the Lord (in practice, though not in underlying dedication).
This bore itself out in my quiet times, which were essentially nonexistent. I would rarely open my heart to the Lord or go to him for comfort. Because of my distance, I thought of him primarily as a Judge. My sin tainted my view of him because I knew the judgment I deserved.
What made this time in my life worse was that I often pretended to be okay. I pretended to be close to the Lord because, well, all my life, I had imagined myself close to the Lord. But this time of life was different. My soul was dry, and I was feeding off things that were not my Lord.
I confess these things to you because I imagine we are all susceptible to these seasons of drift. I hope that you don’t experience one. But I know I didn’t expect it; I hardly noticed it and didn’t see it coming beforehand.
And that, my friends, is frightening.
It is frightening to think we can have our hearts pulled away from the Lord while assuming ourselves close to the Lord. It is alarming that this kind of self-deception exists. The Lord wants our hearts.
Thankfully, the Lord woke me up. I distinctly remember praying and hiding my sin from the Lord—and feeling his disapproval. He wanted me to always acknowledge my sin before him. That was step one.
The Lord has always been precious to me. I didn’t want to admit I had wronged him, and I still don’t. But to be honest and authentic with the Lord, we must sometimes do what we don’t want. We must accept responsibility for our sins before him.
As I have said, that is step one.
The next step for me was to receive his grace immediately. He was quick in giving it to me. He was not reticent to demonstrate his forgiveness. They came immediately. They came before I fully accepted my responsibility for my sin. Even before I could fully admit that I had indeed drifted from the Lord, he reassured me that he would not leave me. Once I confessed my responsibility, he accepted me—it is as though he congratulated me on doing the one thing pleasing to him that I had been so reluctant to do.
He congratulates me on a job well done when I admit my responsibility for my own sin. Think of this—this is the Lord! He is always gracious and close to the humble. I do not call myself humble, but acknowledging my own sin is a humble act that I needed help to achieve. This is the very act that ushered me closer to the Lord.
After that, it was also all grace. He ushered me into his presence to bless me. He dazzled me with his kind treatment, love for me, acceptance of me, and sheer character and existence. As an admitted sinner, I fell for him—like never before, forgiven and welcomed near.
And now, it is as though his greatness in my heart has crowded out those desires of the world. My loves are much more rightly ordered. My love for him is assuredly supreme. My heart requires work—hard work. It did not come to me correctly aligned. It has been a work of God to help me understand what it means to love him first and with all of me. I, of course, am not perfect in this. But I have experienced what the love of God does in the heart by expelling sin.
This only happened in stages, was gradual, and was a work. His love is still ordering me, but I am not drifting now.
The kindness of the Lord is so lovely to me. His riches of mercy that are new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) on this earthly journey are like a cloak or covering over me, sheltering me from the world. Every morning, I need to know that my story with him continues—that he will still do this ordering work within me. And he does. I used to dread the Lord in a way; I was afraid in an unhealthy manner because I had not fully encountered his kindness. I needed to lay myself before him and have faith that he rewards those who humbly seek him (Hebrews 11:6).
Communicating with the Lord
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When I communicate with the Lord, I have been brought to a place of friendship.
Perhaps that feels wrong to you. Maybe you feel like, if you fear the Lord as you ought, you should approach him only in reverence.
I understand. I used to write prayers full of carefully crafted words. I would polish my sentences, check for theological precision, and form what I hoped had some eloquence for the Lord.
But I wasn’t bringing him my heart.
Now, my prayers are much more feelings-oriented. I tell him how I am doing and bring him my feelings. I confess feelings I wish I didn’t have, which I know aren’t right, good, beautiful, true, or pure.
In this way, I speak to him as a friend.
This is part of what Hebrews 4:16 means when it says we should confidently approach the throne. I think of how Moses spoke to the Lord as a friend (Exodus 33:11). Now, marvel of marvels, we are all invited to do so through Christ (John 15:15).
We can come near, as we are. And, he takes this lump of clay and molds me. I love the feeling of being shaped by his hands. I love the sense of his mercy and grace pouring over my sin to heal it and set me in the right direction.
I think of this verse in Psalms: “Instead, his delight is in the LORD’s instruction, and he meditates on it day and night” (Psalm 1:2 CSV).
The instruction of the Lord has become my delight. It sounds counter-intuitive, in a way. How is instruction my delight? Is that not relegated to the area of rote duty? How is instruction a pure joy? It comes down to two realities, at least. First, it feels right to be righted. When we learn righteousness, it feels like we are becoming more like the selves we were created to be. We are growing up in righteousness rather than being denigrated by sin. Our joints are being put back into place. And second, it brings pleasure to God when we are righted. And that is the goal and aim of our lives.
When I pray to God now, I long for righteousness and companionship.
When polishing my words for him, I missed relating with him. I missed the fact that I was communicating with Someone. It was more soliloquy than dialog. But now, I understand what the psalmist is ever doing. The psalmist brings “complaints” to the Lord to be heard by a Person: “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears” (Psalm 34:17a).
The psalmist responds to being heard by having faith and affirming trust in the Lord, which perhaps wasn’t there in the psalmist’s heart before the conversation started. Prayer creates faith, I believe.
It is a friend who wants to hear of the heart's inner workings. It is a friend with whom you can be yourself. It is a friend who will listen to your concerns. It is a deep and dear friend who will help right what has been wronged in you. It is a kind friend who will comfort you.
And, all the while, this friend is God, who beckons trust from our inward parts.
My prayer practice has completely changed over the past several years; because of it, I am different.
I am not left to deal with my feelings myself. Prayer invites total honesty that works with me and works on me. I am heard and righted.
When I don’t see through situations to resolution, prayer reminds me of the work God does on my behalf to make a way before me. I am less anxious—and less apt to make poor decisions based on my limited knowledge.
Prayer is the practice that means I am kept company by the Lord. I am in the presence of a God who wants to hear from me. I learned to bring my concerns to God as a child, but as an adult, I forgot it. Now, I know that God wants to hear even the details that seem insignificant. I am listened to in full.
I want to know the Lord more and have gotten to know him more once I prepared for an actual exchange, an encounter, an honest dialog. Prayer is not so complicated. But the Lord likes us to go with a bit of faith: faith that he wants to hear from us and will meet with us.
Decorative Acorn Craft
As seen below, today my mom is making an acorn craft with a wicker trinket basket, a glass candle holder, a cut branch, and dried moss.
The wicker trinket basket is acquired from Dollar Tree. To make it proportional to the glass candle holder (also purchased at Dollar Tree), cut off the gray top portion. Set aside.
Take out acorn-colored paint, or pumpkin-colored (if preferred). Paint and dry between coats; it takes two to three coats for covereage.
Then, take outside for clear coat protective spray to provide durability.
Next, cut the branch to desired length for stem. Use glue gun to afix stem to the bottom of the wicker basket.
Use glue gun again to place dried moss around the stem.
Acorn can be used as a candy jar, candle holder (with top off), or with decorative fairy lights.
Fall Tablescape
Here is a neutral fall tablescape at my mom’s, Sheryl’s. The knit pumpkins at the center are handmade by my mother. The candlesticks are Homememory LED flame moving wicks.
Following, this demonstrates an easy transition from a seasonal decor set-up to a dinner look.
The dishes were sent from my maternal grandparents in Japan to their niece, early in my grandparents first missionary term. The silverware is my maternal grandmother’s. The glasses were a wedding present to my maternal grandparents.
Apple Crisp and Edwards Apple Orchard
After getting our honey crisp apples, we headed to my (Lianna’s) kitchen this time to make not apple cobbler, but apple crisp. My grandmother, who is with the Lord, made apple crisp from her Northwoods cookbook (pictured below).
First, we gathered our ingredients and the recipe. Then, my mom, Sheryl, peeled and cut the apples into slices.
Next, she started building the topping of brown sugar, GF flour, oats, cinnamon, nutmeg, and butter.
Then, instead of using a pastry cutter, take knives and cross them through the mixture from middle to outside until the butter is in pea-sized pieces. This creates easier clean up because the butter doesn’t stick to the knives like it would to a pastry cutter (personal preference).
She then poured the mixture on top of the apples and put it in the oven. Walnuts are optional.
Serve with whipped cream and coffee, as desired.
Apple Crisp
4 c. sliced, pared, tart apples
2/3-3/4 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. flour
3/4 tsp. cinnamon
3/4 tsp. nutmet
1/2 c. oatmeal
1.3 c. butter
Grease 8 x 8 x 24-inch pan. Place apples slices in pan. Mix remaining ingredients thoroughly. Sprinkle mixture over apples (walnuts optional). Bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until apples are tender and top is brown. Serve warm with cream or ice cream.
Heirloom Accordion and Missionary Music Ministry
In the Missionary Trunk story that I posted recently, we wrote about my grandfather’s use of music in ministry. Here are some pictures of the family accordion that we still have—which my grandfather played.
My grandfather also played saxophone and sang throughout his ministry. While in Japan, they would learn the words in Japanese to a hymn. Then, they would be sung during worship services. One example is “I Am Not Worthy,” by Beatrice Bush Bixler.
“I Am Not Worthy,” by Beatrice Bush Bixler
I am not worthy the least of His favor,
But Jesus left heaven for me;
The Word became flesh and He died as my Savior,
Forsaken on dark Calvary.
Chorus:
I am not worthy this dull tongue repeats it!
I am not worthy this heart gladly beats it?
Jesus left heaven to die in my place
What mercy, what love and what grace!
I am not worthy the least of His favor,
But "In the beloved" I stand;
Now I'm an heir with my wonderful Savior,
And all things are mine at His hand.
I am not wortly the least of His favor,
But He is preparing a place
Where I shall dwell with my glorified Savior,
Forever to look on His face.
Pictured above is my grandfather playing saxophone while my grandmother accompanied him. We still have their copies of the music they played (pictured throughout this post). And, another hymn they would feature is “Unworthy,” by Gloria Roe. The full lyrics are below.
“Unworthy,” by Gloria Roe
I am unworthy of the price He paid for me
I am unworthy of His death on Calvary
I am unworthy to call upon His name
Chorus:
Yet He loved me
Still He loves my
Praise His Holy Name
I am unworthy of the blood He freely gave
I am unworthy for in sin I was a slave
I am unworthy that He should bear my shame
I am unworthy of the place He has prepared
I am unworthy of the love that He has shared
I am unworthy to claim His precious name
Pictured above is my grandfather with a quartet that played during his ministry and more music—which was a duet that my grandmother and grandfather sang together.
“Beyond the Sunset,” by Virgil P. Brock
Beyond the sunset, o blissful morning,
when with our savior heaven is begun.
Earth’s toiling ended, o glorious dawning,
beyond the sunset, when day is done.
Beyond the sunset, no clouds will gather,
no storms will threaten, no fears annoy;
o day of gladness, o day unending,
beyond the sunset, eternal joy!
Beyond the sunset, a hand will guide me to God,
the father, whom I adore;
His glorious presence, His words of welcome,
will be my portion on that fair shore.
Beyond the sunset, o glad reunion
with our dear loved ones who’ve gone before;
in that fair homeland we’ll know no parting;
beyond the sunset forevermore.
Decorating with Wooden Medallions
I enjoy this wooden medallion decor at my mom’s—and have mimicked it, in part, around my house. Paired with the sofa pillows, I think it’s a successful compilation.
Missionary Trunk
My grandfather and family went to Japan as missionaries in 1950. One of his first activities in Urawa was to engage in street evangelism with nationals. This trunk pictured above was purchased in Japan and screwed to the bottom of a truck bed. It held his materials and supplies—saxophone and Bibles, etc. Here is how one friend remembers the ministry’s beginnings:
“I still remember his stories of how, in Japan right after WWII, he was among the new missionaries who got a week or two of language orientation before they were sent out to do evangelism. His job was to attract a crowd by playing his saxophone standing on the roof of a vehicle. He later learned the language well enough to do his doctoral research on a Japanese cult.”
In the first picture from Japan above, my grandfather is the tall man in the center of the photograph. He is also in the center of the third photograph, sitting down.
Ugnspannkaka (Swedish Oven Pancakes)
Ugnspannkaka is a recipe traditionally served with lingonberry sauce. My family has historically served it with cherry pie filling, as pictured above.
4 eggs
2 cups milk
3 tsp or more sugar
1 tsp salt (scant)
1 cup flour (GF flour used above)
2 Tbsp. melted butter
Beat eggs (for at least 3 minutes), add milk, sugar, salt, flour, and melted butter; mix well. Pour batter into greased 9 x 13 baking pan. Bake at 425° for 20 minutes. Pancakes should puff up and be somewhat brown. Cut in squares. Serve immediately with hot apple or cherry pie filling and cream.
Notes: The Swedish candle holder and red apron belonged to my Great-grandma, Vendla. The white and red towel and dessert plates belonged to my Grandma, Gertrude. The mugs are my mother’s, Sheryl’s—from Stockholm Inn (a traditional Swedish restaurant in Rockford, IL).
Where We'll Be Cooking and Baking
Here’s a little introduction to where we will be cooking and baking in future posts.
Welcome home to my mom’s kitchen.
My Mother
“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”
\ Psalm 16:11
My mother is a creative soul—she is ever engaging with life, and is an inspiration to me in doing so. She uses her skills organizing and decorating and crafting and cooking to help others constantly. She is immersed in the Scriptures and always has a word of truth-speaking wisdom to share. When she is on her own time, she travels to Door County, WI, or goes to visit my sister in Kentucky. She also enjoys reading, friends, and maintaining all memories from our family heritage.
My mom, Sheryl, will bring all of these skills to this—our little homemade photography lifestyle blog posts. I supply the photography, and often, she will supply the topics of our posts.
